Dear Little Man,
I am unsure if I will ever find words apt to fall upon your ears. But I sit here hoping I could muster the courage to tell you all that I feel about you. With every kick, I find myself wondering about your demeanor. Will you posses your father’s carefree nature and the ease in which he traverses through this world? Or will you inherit your mother’s restless spirit? Often laying awake at night worrying about what the morning will bring. As days progress, I find myself conversing with Father Time. Pondering if his lessons instilled enough wisdom into me to be good enough… to be your Mother.
You see, I fear the time that you will grow up in. How am I supposed to teach you peace in a world filled with chaos? Teach your heart to be brave and full like that of the Leo constellation your mother was born under? Teach you to be the exception. I want to be good enough for you. I want to have legitimate answers for what makes the sky blue and be able to suppress your fears of monsters lurking under the bed. I hope one day you grow to be unafraid to fight and stand up for what you believe in. Your mom’s a lover not a fighter, so I pray for words to be your weapon of choice. But I want you to be fully capable of laying a smack down when push comes to shove. I’m excited for your laughter and embraces, running to me to share your triumphs over jumping off the swing and landing on your feet. I’m eager for football games and wrestling matches and Sunday dinners listening to stories of your imaginary friend.
I want you to know how much you’ve consumed my entire being before you even had a face to me. I don’t know how, but it’s possible for a love so great to already hurt so much. My love, I’m afraid that I will nurture you with tough love. It was the way instilled in me by my mother and her mother. I fear the silence I’m rendered in during instances when the world becomes a little too much. Don’t mistake it for me being unhappy with you. This is when you turn to your father for his easy-going tendencies. Your father will always make you smile. I want to tell you all of this before Time and Life prohibit me from doing so enough times as I would like to.
Of all my fears, the biggest is that my all will not be enough for the one being, besides God, so close to perfection. But I want you to know that I will never stop trying.