Dear Pregnant Self,
I’d like to preface this letter by letting you know that you are going to be fine. All the worry that is consuming you right now? I wish I could say it goes away… but will only magnify as the days progress. Most days, you’ll be overwhelmed with a newfound combination of love and terror; but it’s the love that will transcend your entire being.
You may think I’m ludicrous for saying so, but you are going to miss pregnancy. No, you won’t miss the ‘lightning crotch’, the nausea, the awkward weight gain, or the incontinence (by the way, you will tinkle a bit during coughing/sneezing fits long after the baby is born). What you will reminisce over are the gentle flutters, the rhythmic hiccups, and the miracle of two hearts residing in one body.
That nursery you are slaving over? Guess what? At 18 months old, I can count the number of times in one hand when he has slept in it. I know you are adamant about not co-sleeping and convinced you would birth the unicorn baby type you’ve been reading about. You know, the ones you can put down “drowsy but awake”. Nope, he’s a cuddler. He’ll sleep best on your chest, latched to your boob, with one hand twiddling the other. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. You will learn that the days are long but the years are truly short. You will realize that there is nothing sweeter than falling asleep and waking up to a sweet baby smell. And you will live for the gummy smiles first thing in the morning.
Motherhood is hard but you will find yourself a natural at it. His birth will foreshadow what’s to come: struggle, moments of doubt and fear, plenty of tears, which will culminate into your very reason for existence. You will learn that you are stronger than you ever thought possible and your husband is and will always be your rock. Keep that in mind during those first few weeks, they’re the hardest. The two of you are learning a new dance and at times it will feel like you both have two left feet. But it’s a dance you both perform quite well.
Google will know your sleep deprived queries: what does green poop mean? what is mastitis? my baby won’t sleep!
When it all starts to feel a little too much, remember the wealth you have in your mother and fellow mom friends. You didn’t just birth a child, you also birthed a mother. That earns you a membership to a sisterhood like no other. They’ll teach you that while each mom/baby duo comes with unique experiences, the love and hope to be a good parent is inherent in the majority of us.
So rub that belly well tonight. Soon, you will meet and you’ll learn how much bigger your heart can be.
Spoiler: He’s pretty amazing and he adores you.
[ Dresses are from PinkBlush Maternity ]